As Christmas approaches we of the adult world begin turning, sometimes reluctantly, to the traditions of the season. Most are enjoyable traditions – office parties, Christmas concerts, and taking the kids to see Santa. Others, such as putting up the outdoor lights in freezing weather and braving the crowds and traffic for last minute shopping, are less pleasant. Generally, however, we look forward to Christmas and most people enjoy the season. Rarely, however, do we stop to examine our holiday traditions as to their purpose and true place in our family lives.
Traditions are basically beliefs or customs that are handed down from generation to generation and are maintained in more or less the same way each time they are performed. They need not be strictly involved with holidays. Family vacations might involve going to the same place, at the same time each year. Birthdays might be celebrated in a particular way in some families, and religions have their own set of traditions. These religious traditions are vital in separating one religion from another and, in fact, define the creed. Other major institutions also have important customs, without which they would not be the same. Parliamentary opening ceremonies and university graduations spring readily to mind. Family traditions are usually much less formal than the institutional ones, but are no less important.
The maintenance of family traditions is far more important to children of all ages than most parents realize. Certainly parents recognize how important the coming of Santa Claus is, because the kids get so excited. Try, for example, to teach school the last week before Christmas, and this lesson is clearly driven home. However, the imminent arrival of gifts is not the important part of the tradition. Just as the celebration of Mass helps to define the Roman Catholic religion, family traditions help to determine the boundaries of a family. This is vital to children because the traditions help them to feel more secure by making them part of a clearly defined unit. The traditions make them separate from all their peers and this gives them a sense of belonging.
This belonging is just as important for teenagers as it is to young children, as teens are going through a highly insecure stage and really need the security that a family unit provides. Thus, family traditions need to be emphasized and kept faithfully, no matter what demands are placed on them. If your teen wants to go to a party rather than attend a traditional family dinner, the answer has to be ‘no’. Similarly, if your boss’s Christmas open house is the day you usually go out and cut your tree, again the family custom must come first. As hard as this sometimes might be, the family has to come first. As soon as exceptions start to be made, the tradition dies out and the family has lost what may have been a great moment.
Besides the sense of belonging and security that these routines give to children, they also provide something that is equally as important and that is family time together. Increasingly, as our society becomes faster paced and as economics demand that both parents work, time with children is becoming scarcer. Keeping the traditions each year guarantees that you are spending some time with the kids, and these will never be wasted moments. Once the all too short time between the birth of our children and their leaving home is over, few parents will look back and wish that they had spent more time at work. Most will long for the days when their children needed them and depended upon them.
Teenagers often shake their parents’ faith in the value of traditions because they need to spend so much time with their friends. They will often question the value of the custom and vigorously demand to do something else. Don’t panic. They are often just testing. Insist that traditions be inviolate and that all family members attend. Teens will in fact appreciate this even if, on the surface, they make protestations. It is important, however, that you discuss your reasons for keeping the family customs with teens, since they really do need to know why things are happening. Just keep your temper, make your explanation, and maintain your resolve. Years from now you will see your children keeping the same traditions in their families.
If your family has few real traditions, add some of your own. Try to have something for each season and holiday that is done the same way each year. As the children get older, you may have to modify them a bit – teens rarely enjoy Easter Egg hunts – but make sure you have some. The more traditions, the more clearly the family unit is defined. No matter what religion or set of beliefs you hold, traditions can and should be part of the family.
Merry Christmas to all, enjoy the holiday season and the very best for the New Year.