Dr. Scott Wooding

A number of recent studies have brought to our attention the fact that depression is a growing problem among today’s teenagers. Of most concern was a study done at the University of Alberta that indicated that 25% of teenage girls suffer from at least one occurrence of clinical depression during their teen years. Clinical depression is the most serious form of this disorder in which the symptoms of a single episode last for at least two weeks. Other studies indicate that the incidence of teenage depression in the general teen population is actually on the rise in recent years. Given the frequency and severity of this disorder, it is vital that parents recognize the symptoms and, if they persist for more than a few days, get immediate professional help.

When most people think of depression, they visualize an overall state of sadness and diminished interest in activities. While these can also be symptoms of teen depression, they are more likely to be irritable than sad. The keys for parents to look for in adolescents, then, include at least five of the following symptoms over the same two week period:

• depressed mood (or irritablility) most of the day
• lack of interest in favorite activities nearly every day
• decrease in appetite (occasionally a marked increase)
• noticeable change in sleep patterns (usually insomnia)
• fatigue or loss of energy every day
• feeelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
• diminished ability to concentrate or unusual indecisiveness
• recurrent thought or verbalizations about death
• unusual agitation or apparent anxiety with no apparent reason

If any of these symptoms are noticed, it is vital that parents sit down with their adolescents and see if they can find anything wrong in their environment that would cause the depression. Have they been dumped by their girl/boy friend, failed an important test or been in trouble with the law lately? If so then the depression has a clear cause and potential answers. If no apparent reason can be found, and if the symptoms last at least two weeks, be sure to check for suicidal thoughts. Ask them straight out if they are considering suicide and if so, do they have a plan. Do not be afraid that this will put thoughts into their heads - you have to find this information out. If the answer to any of the suicide questions is yes, then seek help immediately. If you don’t know where to look, every major city has a suicide hot line. Just look up “suicide” in the telephone book.

Depression of short duration is common in teens due to the hormonal changes of puberty. These depression normally only last a day or two and parents should not overreact. However, depression of longer duration can be deadly. Look for the range of symptoms described above and take action immediate action when necessary.

For years the debate has raged among parenting experts about the effects of spanking on children. For every study that has shown it to be harmful to children, there is one that finds no negative results. Nevertheless, society has progressed to the point that spanking as a consequence for improper behavior is gradually fading in popularity. However, just today the Supreme Court of Canada upheld the legality of Section 43 of the Criminal Code that allows the use of reasonable force on children. Spanking has therefore been upheld as a legal consequence for misbehavior. The question now becomes “What should parents learn from this ruling?”

In my opinion parents should not interpret this as a license to spank their children. There are many types of consequences that are just as effective in controlling negative behavior as spanking that have no connotations of violence and these should be used whenever possible. The Canadian Supreme Court was probably more worried about the effect of eliminating Section 43 on teachers and law enforcement officers than they were about parental spanking. If they removed the ability of these professionals to use reasonable force in removing a violent student or lawbreaker from a fight, crime scene or classroom, then these people would be severely restricted in their ability to perform their duties. The other concern might have been that if you remove parents’ ability to spank, you might be giving the false message that consequences of any kind should not be used in parenting.

This latter concern has certainly been one that parenting authorities have been worried about over the past decade. Many parents seem very confused about what to do when their children misbehave and, knowing that many experts do not believe in spanking, they do nothing about the misbehavior. This is not what these authorities are saying. Children need to know what their limits are in order to feel safe and secure. Usually it is enough for parents who observe their child doing something wrong to say “No” in a firm voice. If the child persists in the behavior, then a time out for a few minutes is usually very effective. For older children, removal of privileges, such as computer or TV time or the use of the telephone are generally adequate to teach the lesson the parents want learned. When children misbehave, something has to be done to teach them the desired behavior.

Perhaps Canadian law needs to be re-written so a separate section covers the professionals who work with children. Parents, then, would be in a different category. In any case wise parents will discipline their children with methods other than spanking, no matter what the Supreme Court says. But discipline of some form must be used. The result will be children who have stronger self-esteem and who have better self-discipline than those who are rarely disciplined at all.

The recent news about Britney Spears’ New Years Eve folly of briefly marrying her long-time friend, then immediately having the marriage annulled, makes most parents nod wisely and cast disparaging remarks about the maturity of young stars. It’s an “I told you so” kind of attitude, as parents are generally wary of having their young teenagers star-stuck by these glamorous young idols. They worry about their youngsters imitating these stars ways of dressing and acting and so take every opportunity to point out their flaws and foibles. Unfortunately this approach will only increase the generation gap between parents and their teens.

Rather than taking every available chance to discourage your teenagers from idolizing Britney, JLo or Beyonce, use the stories of their follies as a conversation starter to discuss the problems of being a star and the reasons why stardom is so difficult. These stories can be utilized as “teachable moments” to discuss issues that are normally difficult to talk about. If a star gets caught using drugs, use the story to ask your teen about drug use in his or her peer group. Rather than lecturing on the evils of drugs, discuss why people use them and try to get your teens to talk about their ideas about drugs. Similarly if a famous person is caught in a sexual encounter, ask your teen their opinion of this story and use it as an entry point into a discussion about premarital sex.

The trick is to get the teen talking about these difficult subjects rather than upsetting them by criticizing their heroes. It’s a delicate balance, but if you can create situations where you and your teens can talk about any subject, using Britney -type stories as a starting point, then the teens will learn that they can talk openly to you and will come to you when they need advice in these areas.

A recent nation-wide study by the Canadian Teachers Federation indicates that the majority of parents do not exert any control on what television shows and movies their kids watch or what video games they play. According to this study, by Grade 7 three-quarters of the kids surveyed had watched R-rated movies on video or DVD. One-quarter of these youngsters had actually rented R-rated movies themselves. Similar figures applied to the video games they play. By grade 7 amost 75 percent of the parents did not tell their children what games they could or could not play.

Other studies provide similarly alarming results. Recent surveys by organizations such as the US Federal Trade Commision indicate that a typical American child spends an average of more than 38 hours a week using these entertainment media. That’s a full working week for most adults. The FTC review indicates that the majority of research into the impact of media violence on children finds that there is a high correlation between exposure to media violence and aggressive and sometimes violent behavior. The Canadian Teacher’s Federation study confirms these results as it found that half the students in Grades 7 to 10 had witnessed peers imitate a violent scene from a movie or television show or copy a dangerous stunt.

Three points are obvious from the research; children are spending a huge proportion of their time using electronic media, the media are having negative effects on our children and parents are not monitoring and controlling what is being watched and played by their children. There are major implications to these conclusions. They range from developing a generation of more aggressive, violent and sexually active children to contributing to the growing problem of obesity in children by allowing their major leisure time activities to be sedentary ones.

Parents need to set controls on what their children watch and play and how long they are using these media. That means they have to know the content of the programs and movies their children watch and of the games they are playing, then refuse to allow any that they feel are inappropriate. It takes time and effort for parents to impose these controls but if they don’t it is becoming increasingly obvious that the impact on this generation of children may be disastrous.

One of the most common misconceptions that parents of teenagers have is that their children no longer want to spend time with them. This idea stems partially from the rising importance of friends, as children become teenagers, and the resulting time that they want to spend with them. The concept that teens would rather not be with their parents also comes from the complaining that often occurs when parents mention an outing they are planning. Parents tend to conclude that since their kids do not want to go on this or that excursion, they then do not want to spend any time with their them.

It is vital that parents banish this misconception forever. Teens not only want to spend time with their parents, they become angry and frustrated when they cant. The teenage years are the most insecure that children experience. They badly need the presence of their parents, both as company and as mentors. But there is a difference. Now that the kids are older and as they are beginning to develop an identity of their own, they no longer accept their parents bidding unquestionably. They don’t like to be told where they are going and when, they want to have some input. They want the outing to be at least partially their idea. This is where the complaining often comes from. They also may already have plans with their friends for the time period you are suggesting, thus creating a conflict of interest.

The key, then, to going places with your teenagers, is to plan ahead and get their input. Instead of just telling them on Friday that the family is going for a hike in the Kananaskis on Saturday, it is much more effective to ask on Monday or Tuesday if they would like to go for a hike on the weekend. If the answer is positive, then ask which day do they prefer, and where would they like to go. Make each outing into a family planning meeting. In this case, get out the trail guides, discuss what food to bring, and review the clothing to carry in their backpacks. This planning session adds greatly to the anticipation of the event as well as allowing the teens input into the decisions.

Once you have accepted this general approach to going on outings with teenagers, it is equally important to understand what kinds of activities your particular teens enjoy. Youll probably be surprised at how general these activities actually are. Most teens enjoy all kinds of activities with their parents, as long as they are consulted about them. For example, they like going shopping, playing golf, hiking and picnicking, going to Stampede, and walks. They dont have to be exotic or expensive. They really do enjoy this time spent with their parents.

It is also not always necessary for the whole family to be on an outing, although this is preferable most of the time. Because kids differ so widely in their interests, sometimes one teen or another will prefer not to go. This should be allowed occasionally as it recognizes and respects individual differences. Following this train of thought, it is often a good idea for parents to plan a yearly event with just one teen. For example, if Dad and one teen share an interest in skiing, he could plan a special ski trip for the two of them alone. He could organize a separate outing with another child who happens to have different interests. These events usually become much anticipated, with months being spent on the planning.

Family outings with teenagers are definitely very different from those with younger children. They require much more planning and notice. They are however, vital to the development of the teenager and to the closeness of the family unit. Don’t be fooled by the teens “I dont care attitude. Assume they want to do things with you and plan accordingly. Respect the plans and outings that the teens have with their friends and work around these as much as possible. If family events have been a priority from an early age children will anticipate them just as much as teenagers as they did when they were younger. If they havent been a priority, make them so. Teens need and want the company of their parents.

One of the most vexing problems for parents of teenagers is trying to get them to do routine chores. Most parents realize that having duties around the house are an excellent tool for developing responsibility in their children. Unfortunately the nature of teenagers conspires against this important relationship.

For many reasons, teenagers are very poor at doing chores. One of these reasons is that, partly due to the reorganization of brain connections that is taking place at this time of their lives, teens are generally very disorganized. They honestly have difficulty sequencing tasks. In other words they have problems knowing where to start a job and what to do next. Teenagers are also very distractible and tend to lose focus very quickly, especially when they aren’t really enjoying what they are doing. These two factors conspire to keep teens from getting their chores done as, when they don’t know what to do next, their minds wander. Suddenly they are lying on their beds dreaming when they are supposed to be cleaning their rooms. As a result parents become frustrated and angry scenes are often the result.

Many parents solve this problem by simply doing the tasks themselves as this takes far less energy than having to closely supervise each chore. They often feel that the teens, seeing the parents do their jobs, will feel guilty and do it themselves the next time. Unfortunately this strategy only teaches that if you wait long enough, your parents will do your work for you. The fact is there is no easy way to get teenagers to do their chores, but there is an approach that will work in the long run.

I call this strategy the PPH approach, which stands for Patience, Persistence and Humor. The patience is necessary because teens do not learn to become self-motivated overnight. In fact, it normally takes several years before they begin to spontaneously do chores. Persistence is required because teenagers need constant reminding to do their assigned tasks, then close supervision of the process. This needs to occur over and over again, day after day, year after year. Finally, humor is required because if you can use a light approach to this reminding and supervision, it is not seen as nagging. Teens respond very poorly to nagging (in fact so do husbands) but do not mind (as much) if parents remind in a light and breezy fashion. If you can’t be humorous, at least don’t get angry. Teens usually mean well but most are just not capable of remembering tasks, then following though on doing them. Anger will only make the situation worse and hard feelings will result.

Parents should not shrink from assigning chores to their children. However, they should not expect that they will be done cheerfully and on time. The use of the PPH approach will not make the learning process any faster, but it will ensure that parents help their teens to become responsible adults, in as painless a fashion as possible.

Much has been written in the past few years about teenage use of and addiction to drugs and alcohol, but only recently has teenage gambling been added to the list of adolescent difficulties. The problem seems to have been growing gradually as the various forms of gambling have become legal throughout North America. The introduction of state and provincial lotteries as a source of government and charitable funding has gradually given way to a wide variety of legal gambling, including video lottery (slot) machines, sports betting and big money bingo. Only recently has the devastating effects of these activities on some adults become known, so it is not surprising that the effects of the easy availability of gambling on teenagers have not been recognized earlier.

Over the past five years a number of studies have been done on the extent and effects of teenage gambling. The early studies, while very thorough in design, did not get the attention they deserved, perhaps because they were published in academic journals and not in the popular media. However, as the weight of evidence has accumulated, the problem has finally reached the attention of the public.

Generally the research indicates that over 50% of teenagers gamble in one form or another, with between 5% and 7% admitting to being problem gamblers. These gambling activities include cards, lottery tickets, sports pools, sports lottery tickets (really sports betting) and bingo, although the older teenagers also indulged in video gambling and even casino gambling where these are present. These figures should cause most parents to gasp as they indicate that gambling is a major presence among the majority of teens and therefore has the potential to lead to major problems if the gaming reaches the addiction level. Even if it doesn’t get to these levels, is gambling really an activity that we want to encourage in our youth?

It is obvious from these figures that parents need to take vigorous steps to ensure that their teens are not spending their money trying to beat the odds. To begin with they need to set a good example themselves. If they expect their teens will not gamble, then it is best to not do so themselves. Next they need to talk to their teens about gambling, whenever the opportunity arises (watching Las Vegas together would be one way to ensure the subject comes up). Parents need to let their teens know that they do not approve of this activity and will not condone it. Finally, if they suspect that their teen is gambling, then parents should consult with experts in the field - such as Gamblers Anonymous - and determine what steps are necessary to help their teen through this crisis.

Problem gambling cannot be hidden from parents if they are paying attention. By spending time with their teens and knowing what is going on in their lives, parents can head off problems such as gambling before they reach the addiction level.

In an era where the health perils of smoking are well known to all, it is amazing that over 20% of teenagers are smokers. It would seem that the rebellious image that smoking creates, along with the inability of teens to look ahead in their lives, overcomes the weight of knowledge that has accumulated since the 1950’s. New research just recently released adds even more frightening information to the already weighty negative evidence of smoking’s dangers. These new findings indicate that addiction to nicotine can sometimes occur after just one cigarette. While this may apply to just a tiny minority of smokers, it serves to further indicate just how addictive nicotine can be.

Given the weight of evidence, both new and old, against smoking, what can parents do to keep their teens from becoming hooked? The first step is to set a good example. Parents who smoke cannot expect that their teens will listen to their pleas that their children should not become addicted like them. Teens only see that their loved ones smoke and it hasn’t done them any apparent harm, so they discount their parents’ warnings.

Parents who do not smoke need to start the education process against smoking at an early age. Any time they see teens on the street or youngsters on TV or in movies smoking, parents should use the opportunity to let their kids know that this is a very dangerous habit and they do not want to ever see them even trying it. They should not expect that it will be enough that the kids will learn about the dangers of smoking in school. It is vital that the message come from parents as well. Coming from people they love, the information has far more impact. Viewing anti-smoking websites together is one way of conveying this information in a non-threatening fashion.

Finally, if parents suspect that their teens are smoking, they need to ensure that no smoking is allowed anywhere in their home or their presence. While this will not guarantee that the teen will stop, it will send a clear message that the habit is strongly disapproved, which may eventually help the youngster to quit. If cigarettes are found by the parents, it will help to reinforce the message by reducing the teen’s allowance for a while. If they can afford cigarettes, they have too much money.

The lure of smoking and the subsequent addiction to it is so strong that nothing can guarantee that teens will never smoke, However, if the above steps are followed, then the chances of this happening will be greatly reduced.

For some strange reason parents have become very confused as to what their role is in helping their children with their homework. Many parents are going so far as to virtually do the homework for their children in the mistaken belief that this is helping them.

The fact is that parents should not be directly involved in their children’s homework at all. That is the teachers job. However, parents do have a role in monitoring their children to ensure that the homework process is started each night and that their kids are actively engaged in the homework process while they are supposed to be doing it.

At the start of each year, parents should establish a set time each night when homework is to be started. This helps to establish a routine that eventually becomes engrained in the student’s daily schedule. Given the distractible nature of youngsters, it will often be necessary for parents to remind their kids that it is time to start their labors. This reminding needs to be done calmly and persistently and with a little humor if possible. Otherwise it is interpreted as nagging, which will often result in an argument.

Then, parents need to ensure that work is actually being done. This involves only a periodic glance into the homework area (which should be in their room) to ensure that the books are out and the pencil is moving. If not, again the gentle reminder should be used.

And that’s it. If your child is stuck on a problem or topic, try to help briefly, but do not let yourself actually get involved in the work. Due to changes in teaching methods and curricula, parental teaching often conflicts with the way things are now done in the classroom. This can lead to arguments with your kids if you try to instruct. Instead, if you feel a conflict is starting, suggest that they call a friend for help.

Other parental duties in the homework area include ensuring that social telephone calls are not allowed during the homework period and that there is no TV on in the location. Music, on the other hand, is rarely a problem and may actually help the youngster get the work done.

Monitoring, then, is the parents’ main job when it comes to homework. If word is received from the school that the assignments are not being done, then closer monitoring will be necessary. This means that frequent contact with the school will be necessary so that parents know what assignments are due and can ensure that they are being done. Email is a great tool to maintain this contact.

It is a delicate balance that parents need to maintain, but if done right, then parents can be a great help to their kids, without actually getting deeply involved in the homework process itself.

The role of fathers in the raising of children has often tended to be minimized in the past generation. The gradual arrival of the divorce culture, in which divorce is considered to be the natural alternative to marital conflict, has resulted in 39% of all US children living apart from their fathers. The effect of this fact is that parents would rather think that fathers are not that important in child-rearing in order to justify their chosen lifestyle. Nothing could be further from the truth. Recent research shows that children with little or no contact with their fathers are more likely to drop out of school and become involved in drug and alcohol abuse. Girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens, and boys are more likely to become involved in crime and violence.

This research does not just apply to children whose fathers are no longer in the home. Fathers who are physically present but who choose not to take an active part in the parenting process, especially in spending time with the children and in disciplining them, have children with similar problems. My own experience as a clinician indicates that teenagers get extremely upset when their fathers are in the home but are only minimally involved as a parent. They tend to become more aggressive than most of their peers and push the family limits, often to the point of becoming out of control.

In order to develop emotionally healthy, confident children, fathers need to be closely involved in the raising of their children. If they are divorced or separated, they need to put aside their conflicts with the former spouse for the good of the kids. If they are still in the home, fathers need to take an active part in supporting and disciplining their children. If they do, their children will have a better chance to become confident and stable adults who, in turn, will someday raise their own confident and emotionally healthy children.