October 28, 2003
One of the most vexing problems for parents of teenagers is trying to get them to do routine chores. Most parents realize that having duties around the house are an excellent tool for developing responsibility in their children. Unfortunately the nature of teenagers conspires against this important relationship.
For many reasons, teenagers are very poor at doing chores. One of these reasons is that, partly due to the reorganization of brain connections that is taking place at this time of their lives, teens are generally very disorganized. They honestly have difficulty sequencing tasks. In other words they have problems knowing where to start a job and what to do next. Teenagers are also very distractible and tend to lose focus very quickly, especially when they aren’t really enjoying what they are doing. These two factors conspire to keep teens from getting their chores done as, when they don’t know what to do next, their minds wander. Suddenly they are lying on their beds dreaming when they are supposed to be cleaning their rooms. As a result parents become frustrated and angry scenes are often the result.
Many parents solve this problem by simply doing the tasks themselves as this takes far less energy than having to closely supervise each chore. They often feel that the teens, seeing the parents do their jobs, will feel guilty and do it themselves the next time. Unfortunately this strategy only teaches that if you wait long enough, your parents will do your work for you. The fact is there is no easy way to get teenagers to do their chores, but there is an approach that will work in the long run.
I call this strategy the PPH approach, which stands for Patience, Persistence and Humor. The patience is necessary because teens do not learn to become self-motivated overnight. In fact, it normally takes several years before they begin to spontaneously do chores. Persistence is required because teenagers need constant reminding to do their assigned tasks, then close supervision of the process. This needs to occur over and over again, day after day, year after year. Finally, humor is required because if you can use a light approach to this reminding and supervision, it is not seen as nagging. Teens respond very poorly to nagging (in fact so do husbands) but do not mind (as much) if parents remind in a light and breezy fashion. If you can’t be humorous, at least don’t get angry. Teens usually mean well but most are just not capable of remembering tasks, then following though on doing them. Anger will only make the situation worse and hard feelings will result.
Parents should not shrink from assigning chores to their children. However, they should not expect that they will be done cheerfully and on time. The use of the PPH approach will not make the learning process any faster, but it will ensure that parents help their teens to become responsible adults, in as painless a fashion as possible.
October 20, 2003
Much has been written in the past few years about teenage use of and addiction to drugs and alcohol, but only recently has teenage gambling been added to the list of adolescent difficulties. The problem seems to have been growing gradually as the various forms of gambling have become legal throughout North America. The introduction of state and provincial lotteries as a source of government and charitable funding has gradually given way to a wide variety of legal gambling, including video lottery (slot) machines, sports betting and big money bingo. Only recently has the devastating effects of these activities on some adults become known, so it is not surprising that the effects of the easy availability of gambling on teenagers have not been recognized earlier.
Over the past five years a number of studies have been done on the extent and effects of teenage gambling. The early studies, while very thorough in design, did not get the attention they deserved, perhaps because they were published in academic journals and not in the popular media. However, as the weight of evidence has accumulated, the problem has finally reached the attention of the public.
Generally the research indicates that over 50% of teenagers gamble in one form or another, with between 5% and 7% admitting to being problem gamblers. These gambling activities include cards, lottery tickets, sports pools, sports lottery tickets (really sports betting) and bingo, although the older teenagers also indulged in video gambling and even casino gambling where these are present. These figures should cause most parents to gasp as they indicate that gambling is a major presence among the majority of teens and therefore has the potential to lead to major problems if the gaming reaches the addiction level. Even if it doesn’t get to these levels, is gambling really an activity that we want to encourage in our youth?
It is obvious from these figures that parents need to take vigorous steps to ensure that their teens are not spending their money trying to beat the odds. To begin with they need to set a good example themselves. If they expect their teens will not gamble, then it is best to not do so themselves. Next they need to talk to their teens about gambling, whenever the opportunity arises (watching Las Vegas together would be one way to ensure the subject comes up). Parents need to let their teens know that they do not approve of this activity and will not condone it. Finally, if they suspect that their teen is gambling, then parents should consult with experts in the field - such as Gamblers Anonymous - and determine what steps are necessary to help their teen through this crisis.
Problem gambling cannot be hidden from parents if they are paying attention. By spending time with their teens and knowing what is going on in their lives, parents can head off problems such as gambling before they reach the addiction level.
October 10, 2003
In an era where the health perils of smoking are well known to all, it is amazing that over 20% of teenagers are smokers. It would seem that the rebellious image that smoking creates, along with the inability of teens to look ahead in their lives, overcomes the weight of knowledge that has accumulated since the 1950’s. New research just recently released adds even more frightening information to the already weighty negative evidence of smoking’s dangers. These new findings indicate that addiction to nicotine can sometimes occur after just one cigarette. While this may apply to just a tiny minority of smokers, it serves to further indicate just how addictive nicotine can be.
Given the weight of evidence, both new and old, against smoking, what can parents do to keep their teens from becoming hooked? The first step is to set a good example. Parents who smoke cannot expect that their teens will listen to their pleas that their children should not become addicted like them. Teens only see that their loved ones smoke and it hasn’t done them any apparent harm, so they discount their parents’ warnings.
Parents who do not smoke need to start the education process against smoking at an early age. Any time they see teens on the street or youngsters on TV or in movies smoking, parents should use the opportunity to let their kids know that this is a very dangerous habit and they do not want to ever see them even trying it. They should not expect that it will be enough that the kids will learn about the dangers of smoking in school. It is vital that the message come from parents as well. Coming from people they love, the information has far more impact. Viewing anti-smoking websites together is one way of conveying this information in a non-threatening fashion.
Finally, if parents suspect that their teens are smoking, they need to ensure that no smoking is allowed anywhere in their home or their presence. While this will not guarantee that the teen will stop, it will send a clear message that the habit is strongly disapproved, which may eventually help the youngster to quit. If cigarettes are found by the parents, it will help to reinforce the message by reducing the teen’s allowance for a while. If they can afford cigarettes, they have too much money.
The lure of smoking and the subsequent addiction to it is so strong that nothing can guarantee that teens will never smoke, However, if the above steps are followed, then the chances of this happening will be greatly reduced.